On the fence..

I wrote a few weeks ago about Jaxon's fevers. Still no word yet from Children's. When I took him in for blood work we discovered that he had a viral infection that caused his tonsils to swell (& other gross things I won't discuss) so Dr. Harvey thinks that is why he had the fever. We had low grade fever Friday and Saturday morning, but nothing that made my mommy alarms go off since he had field day at school on Friday and a slight sunburn. Back to himself since Saturday night-bouncing off the walls and all! The last day of school for Jax and Landen is June 7th. I have to say, I am (and Avery too!) pretty excited about summer this year. I am more active than I have been in a long time. The kids are older so I can actually take them places like the zoo and the park without having to carry around a baby seat.

We are also planning our first family vacation! YAY!! Originally I wanted to go to the beach....DESPERATELY. I have not been since 2003 and my dream for the longest time has been to build sand castles with my children on the beach. Derek was not as excited about the beach...more so about the long trip it would take us to get there. His idea of a fun vacation is not spending 13 hours on the road with 3 kids. I understand... it would definitely be chaotic. There more I started to think about it the more I realized that sitting on a beach right now would not be that fun for me either. That would involve a swimsuit. YIKES. I have been wearing a maternity swimsuit for a few years now because it covers me up. There is no part of me that wants to sit on a beach at this size. Maybe next year. We decided on Branson. Silver Dollar City, Joe's Crab Shack, Shopping....and a 2 hour drive! Bring it. The Wever's are ready!

Going back to my weight...The Biggest Loser is casting in Dallas in July, among other cities. My dad told me before casting even began that he really wanted me to audition again. That he believed I could make it. That I need to try again. I have been on the fence. I so want the opportunity. I just feel like every time I have gotten closer and closer...and that I am not good enough. I am not pretty like Sarah Nitta and Jennifer Rush, and I am not rude like Conda. I am strong, and friendly, and encouraging....and I will totally spit fire when needed. But pretty? Nope. Isn't that what they are looking for? I just want to fix what's broken in me. Do I need a TV show to do it? Absolutely not. But the part of me that has a huge heart and wants to help everyone around me...that part of me that those closest to me love...that part of me is saying "GO FOR IT KAILEY! You can teach other people what you learn!" I saw today that Holland will be one of the casting directors in Dallas. Um, if you can't tell from all my previous posts...she is my FAAAAVORITE! You can tell when people have a passion for their job..and she just does. Even if I never get chosen for a show (which i am 99% sure is my fate) then I am glad that I have gotten to see someone do something in a career they actually like and have a heart for...resulting in lives changed. I hate this feeling of should I go or not. I know..it seems silly! Just go, Right?! It's such an emotional process to put yourself out there after driving so long. And my dad...Bless his heart. He is my biggest supporter. I feel like not getting chosen makes me a disappointment to him. But WHAT IF I DID?! Good Grief...the thought makes my heart race. As of today I am praying for some kind of sign that I should go....Its still 6(ish) weeks away. So, we will see.