I know, I know...I haven't posted in four months. Sorry! As you can imagine, life has been hectic. I am going to school FULL time, taking care of these beautiful babies, and being a wife. I am a busy lady, to say the least. So WHY am I posting now? Because I need to vent..and this is the best way that I know how. Maybe I should make this one private...but then again...this is meant to share exactly what my thoughts are.
Jax has fevers again. I started noticing them again a couple of months ago, and my mommy alarms went off-but I told myself that I am just being overprotective, because I am REALLY good at that. But this morning his was laying at the foot of my bed just wimpering...and my feet were really hot. I knew immediately that this was another fever. It doesn't make sense...his last one was 2 or three weeks ago. If this TRULY was PFAPA then the fevers would not start coming back. SO-this morning I have been on the phone with Dr. Harvey's office and Arkansas Children's Hospital.
ACH says that we need to go in TODAY and get blood work done. I have to start ANOTHER fever log of every little symptom that my baby has. My God, I am writing this blog through tears. How did we end up back here?! WHY is this happening to MY baby? Is God mad at us? Have I not been a good enough mommy to Jax? This isn't fair! He is just a sweet, intelligent, amazing, ball of 6 year old energy. My heart is breaking right now for what we are about to have to go through...AGAIN. He hates needles, just like me. Doesn't God know that? Why is he making him be a pin cushion again?? WHY? I am trying so hard to keep positive and understand that my God has a plan for everything, but right now I am just..mad. I don't want to be mad- I want to be the pillar of strength for my son and my family. I know that I have to dig down deep, because the last thing that Jaxon needs right now is to see me upset. HE looks to ME for strength, and if mommy isn't scared then HE isn't scared. I just do not understand. Everything got better...what s going on in his little perfect body?
Please keep my sweet, precious boy in your prayers.
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