I have to say that some unexpected words of ENcouragment have come from my blog. an old friend from highschool wrote me with words of encouragement and tips that her parents use, which turned out to be very helpful. Yesterday, however, an old aquantaince from high school posted that he is now a personal trainer. I messaged him and spoke with him this morning about training on the phone. Let me back up...I really prayed about whether or not to call, bc I want to make sure that every step is correct on this journey. And I also have a family to keep in mind. So when he answered the phone and I told him who I was he said "how can I help you?" :-/ I thought we were old friends...that statement made me think otherwise, since I'm pretty sure he didn't remember who I was. He was very kind and helpful. Lots of encouragement about the journey I am embarking on. He also told me that he wished everyone had my attitude going in. HOWEVER, after hanging up I realized that $50/hr is completely out of my price range...12 sessions a month=more than our rent. How could I be so selfish in even CONSIDERING a personal trainer in our financial state? I got off the phone, unfortunately, feeling more DIScouraged than encouraged! WHY?? this old aquaintance was so sk ENcouraging and honest, not to mention helpful with tips. I think it boils down to I am so ready to lose weight, yet I am realizing that because I can afford a trainer to push and encourage me I am completely on my own. I am staring to think that I'm not facing a battle..I am facing a war. And sadly I am a one man army. I am leaving myself vulnerable and open, which is out of my comfort zone, and I'm going in blind. DAMN IT. It's one of those times that I want to stomp into the kitchen and comfort myself by eating (I am starting to realize more and more That I've been doing this). but I haven't. I have stopped myself. Guess what, I'm not doing anything but letting the fat suit win. I am only hurting myself. not comforting a damn thing.
On to my grocery store trip to shop for the week...I bought things that Rachel posted on her list. Truvia and almond milk among others. Lean hamburger meat, chicken, asparagus...I'm moving from baby steps to a..skip maybe? IDK. Anyway it was late(ish) when we were shopping so I decided that I would get a Starbucks coffee thing at the store. I also got tacobell mild sauce thinking it surely wasn't a bad idea.we checked out and as we were walking away the taco bell sauce and Starbuck fell out of the bag and cart onto my feet (which were in flip flops) and glass shattered everywhere. I think god was trying to tell me that those two items were NOT a good idea? Somehow the two bottle shattered on my feet and I didn't even have one cut or scrape. Weird.
At home this afternoon I felt like grabbing my bible. I don't do this nearly enough, but for some reason I did today. The house was quiet and I think I new I could find some encouragement there. Now..I have "the busy moms bible" with study guide tips and devotionals. I opened it to this :
STEWARDSHIP.
word for the day: CARE.
Caring for yourself: 1 Timothy 5:23
Then it asked me to reflect on this: How would you rate your job at taking care of yourself? Does your rest or fitness hold you back from anything God wants you to do?
THEN it says to lookup stewardship in the back of my bible. Listed? Accountability, ambition, authority, commitment, contentment, decision making,priorities, responsibility, time, work and values. HMMM. Relevant? I think so. Oprah (yes, I said oprah!) says that God speaks to you in tiny whispers at first, and they get louder. I think my whispers are becoming a BIG huge "HELLLLLLLO!"
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